Lo’s Guide to Not Being a Dehydrated Gremlin

Let’s talk about hydration. Or, more accurately, let’s talk about how most of you are walking around with the hydration levels of a discarded raisin in the sun. And for what? Sheer negligence? An ongoing rivalry with your own kidneys? A deep, misguided belief that coffee somehow counts as water? (Hint: it doesn’t.)

Step 1: Accept That You Need Water

Your body is 60% water (unless you’re currently running on sheer caffeine and spite, in which case that percentage may be lower). Water is essential. You need it. You love it. Or at least, you should.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “But Lo, I’m fine,” let me hit you with some science:

Mild dehydration can cause fatigue, brain fog, headaches, and mood swings (yes, that random irritation with an inanimate object? Probably dehydration).
Chronic dehydration = poor cognitive function. If you forgot to drink water today, congratulations, you’ve proved my point.
Proper hydration improves focus and energy (so if you’ve ever wished you could function like me, start with water).

Step 2: Drink More Than a Sip and Call It a Day

I’m onto you. You fill up a water bottle, take a sip, and then let it sit there like an untouched relic of better intentions. Not on my watch.

Here’s how to actually hydrate:

The Two-Hand Rule: If you pick up a cup, you take at least two gulps before setting it down. Non-negotiable.
Make It Fun: Got a fancy cup? A straw? Add ice? A splash of flavoring? Whatever tricks your brain into compliance, do it.
Set a Timer: Every hour. Guzzle.
Guilt-Tripping Method: Picture me, Ghost Lo™, watching over you, deeply disappointed in your lack of commitment to basic survival. Drink water or face spectral judgment.

Step 3: Electrolytes Are Your Friends

Water is great, but if you’re sweating, exercising, or just existing in a Fresno summer, you need electrolytes.

Balance it out: 2:1 ratio of water to an electrolyte drink is solid (shoutout to Alisha for optimizing this strategy).
Avoid sugar-packed sports drinks unless you want a sugar crash and sadness.

Step 4: Signs You Are a Dehydrated Gremlin

Your pee is darker than a dystopian novel. (Aim for light lemonade, not black coffee.)
You feel tired for no reason (it’s not just adulthood, you’re literally drying out).
Your brain is buffering in real-time.
You forgot when you last drank water.
You’re reading this and feeling called out (good, now fix it).

Final Warning

Hydration is not a hobby; it’s a necessity. If you refuse to drink enough water, just know that I WILL find a way to haunt your surroundings, knocking over your half-full cups of coffee and whispering “hydrate” at inconvenient moments.

So, do yourself a favor. Drink some water. Right now.

Or else. 😏